The Pleasure Prescription. Month 1, Day 16
Living from the neck up
When I was nine years old a man came to our apartment and asked to use the phone. Only my twin sister and I were home. He began showing us pictures of women in bikinis and then started to masturbate. He never used the phone.
When I was 13 years old a friend of mine at school had breasts. Earlier and bigger than the rest of us. The boys used to chase her and try to grab at her shirt.
And maybe it’s our culture, or a mix of personal and not so personal experiences, but I grew up somewhat afraid of fully inhabiting my body. Maybe men would do things to me that I didn’t want or touch me in ways I didn’t ask to be touched. Maybe I would get hurt.
So I chose to live from the neck up.
I ate from the neck up – choosing foods that I was “supposed to” eat. Eating when my family ate. Stopping when my plate was empty or there was nothing left in the pot.
I exercised from the neck up – working out even when I felt really tired, exercising as long as the books told me to, and using the equipment that trainers trained me to use.
I walked, talked and lived from the neck up – not knowing why my body felt the way it did, or whether or not my body agreed with what I said or if I made choices that supported what my body wanted.
I was just so used to being in my head I didn’t know what it meant to live from the neck down.
But you can’t eat what your body wants and you can’t feel what your body feels and you can’t express what your body knows if you’re not in your body.
And I knew I wanted to be in my body.
Pleasure and Intuitive Eating get me there.
It’s been a four-year journey that started with Mama Gena and the School of Womanly Arts, then Intuitive Eating and now The Pleasure Prescription. Which is why I’m sharing so much with you because I’m ready to fully be in my body and I want women everywhere to be able to feel safe enough, love enough and beautiful enough to be in their bodies too.
This is where cleansing and listening comes in.
Because a cleanse is just what someone else is telling you to do to your body unless you learn to listen.
Month 1, Day 16. Your Pleasure Objective.
Use the cleanse to listen and hear what your body wants, when and how much.
Month 1, Day 16. Your Pleasure Practice.
Learning to listen to your body’s signals.
I started noticing a trend in my work with women. They couldn’t hear what their body wanted because they weren’t in their body. Maybe they didn’t trust their body or feel safe in their body or like their body. Maybe they had too many people telling them what their body should do, look and feel like.
Whatever the reason they didn’t want to listen to their body.
So I had them start getting into their body. With exercises and meditations and breathing. I had them start to tune into their inner knowing, their wisdom, their brilliance. And little by little these women began to change. To really transform their lives. It was a true miracle to behold.
And it all started with listening.
Here’s how:
1) Pay Attention. Use this time as an experiment, not a hard and fast rule. As you follow along with the meal plans or the suggested foods, write down whatever it is your body is expressing.
2) Feel. When you eat notice how your body feels right before you eat. Are you hungry? Do you feel shaky or nauseous? Do you feel irritable or tired? Are you sad, lonely or stressed? What do you feel?
3) Desire. Have the courage to ask yourself, “What do I desire?” and listen for the answer your body reveals to you. Sometimes it will be food but other times it will be support or comfort or movement or love. If it isn’t food, what will give you what you desire?
This takes a lot of awareness and a whole bunch of bravery. This is where your support network comes in handy. This is where I come in handy. Leave a comment below, reach out to a friend, take care of yourself.
4) Notice. When you’re finished eating notice how you feel. Do the foods you are eating give you energy or drain your energy? Did you enjoy the food or eat it just because you felt you should? Are you happy? Awake? Or sluggish and sad? What is your body telling you?
5) Get feedback. If you’re body is asking for something but you’re not sure what do this:
- What the authors of “Intuitive Eating” will never tell you
- Intuitive Eating and Pleasure: or 10 Ways to Find Your Bliss Right Here, Right Now
- Eating and Stress: How to Use Intuitive Eating and Pleasure to Stop Stress Eating
- Intuitive Eating, Pleasure and the Holidays (or why we overeat, get angry and hate our bodies)
- Intuitive Eating or 3 scoops of ice cream, 2 brownies and 1 bowl of pasta later
This is great, Daphne. I have totally lived from the neck up since I was a kid. I was klutzy and made fun of so I concentrated on my intellect and sociability. I’ve certainly paid a steep price for ignoring my body. Tuning in is still really hard.
Yeah, I know how hard it can be. I hope you’ll join me for my upcoming Intuitive Eating course – which is all about tuning in. Especially since you’ve already paid for it.
Busted! When does the course start?
Loran- you made me laugh. It starts the end of February – details coming out soon.
Such a great article Daphne! I love your work and it’s so needed. So many people are not inhabiting their body at all and are so distant from their body…..and it’s ironic bc the body has all the answers……thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with the world.
Thank you Gina. And you are so welcome. It continually amazes me how we spend so much of our lives seeking answers that are so often inside us!
Great post Daphne! We are so entangled in others’ perception of what we should be that we end up disconnected from our very own body. Thanks for the reminder!
ain’t that the truth Emmanuelle!
Thank you for an amazing post Daphne! This year, I am really working on listening to the messages my body shares with me. Like you, I used to live from the neck up.
Oh, sweetie. This totally makes me want to give you a huge hug (you can’t get a hug from the neck up, I just realized, too). These are amazing pieces of advice for people who’ve struggled with that kind of disassociation. Thank you.
You are so welcome Ellie. And I’ll take that hug -virtual or not.
Daphne, such important messages you are sharing. It can be so easy to stay in that place in your head and not come into one’s full self. I have seen and felt the difference it makes in being present and really enjoying life one the shift is made.
it is amazing how different life can be, isn’t it Petrea. And in all honesty, I’m still making that transition. Thank you.
Such an important message, Daphne! I’ve spent a long time living from the neck up and it’s time to stop. Thank you for sharing!
you’re so welcome Tina. Thank you!